can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
