...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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