i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
