Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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