Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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