I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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