do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
