He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
