no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
