i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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