The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
