Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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