Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
