You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
