dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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