He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
