We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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