Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
