He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
