Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
