but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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