apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize