My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
