you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
please come you make the beer taste better
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
