I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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