i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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