Define "chronic" masturbator.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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