I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's blow job season.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
