It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drunk walkin through police station. America
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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