i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize