Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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