you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I puked a lego.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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