You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
