All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
