I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
