rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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