this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
