Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize