My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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