Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize