I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
