Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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