Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
