I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize