I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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