Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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