Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
