i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
