How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
