he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
