But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize