I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
