i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
