WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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