it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
