I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
