and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
