i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize