Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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