WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
