You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
