I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
