that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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