I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In other news, I just burned my penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
