I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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