Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
