homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
