So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
