your parents love me but you hate me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
